Kebab TV

It seems I am enjoying a bit of a love hate relationship with reality TV. Wife Swap USA, Supernanny, Kerry Katona: The Next Chapter. You name it, I'll flop in front of it. Maybe it's the antedote to puzzling too hard over life decisions that always seem to be the massive ones: where to live, how to earn more, and who to do it all with!

Whatever the lure, it's bad for my cultural digestion. This is Kebab TV. One taste can have you hooked and a dodgy episode will turn your stomach. An 'off' week with The Only Way is Essex saw me literally ready to hurl at the disgusting way the men treated women - spearheaded by obnoxious nightclub owner Kirk Norcross.

A generous salting of unbelievable characters like Joey Essex - from the same 'too far removed from reality to be wrong' ilk as Peter Andre - are what make this genre seem so delicious (as TOWIE star, Lydia, would say). Slipping into a paralell universe to watch Joey applying his bizarre "flat n dumpy, tall n reem" logic as an excuse for buying plimsoles two sizes too small because "stretched canvas looks better", ironically makes the real world seem a million miles away.

Pop trivia: Joey's favourite word, "reem", is actually 1980's gay slang for a cute gay guy.

Rumour has it that the Essex dimwit will be 'coming out' as Harry Derbidge's love interest later in the series.

"OMG, really? Shut up!"